Legs and Feet

Where to start? Somewhere where I left off, I guess, would be the logical point. Okay. Three weekends ago, we went to Louisville for Paige’s 30th birthday celebration. She had reserved the house bar in this cool Irish joint called O’Shea’s. It was a really neat scene. Imagine A1A if it were decorated entirely as an Irish bar. Yep, it was that big. There were quite a few people there I hadn’t seen in a while. It was good to play catch-up with those folks. The #'s1 and 1a questions asked were: “Do you have any kids?” and “When are you going to have kids?”

What do you say to people when they ask you that? I preferred the smart-arsed answers like, “No, no kids. We are practicing with cats right now and it’s not looking good. They are both fat and home alone.” That would be strike one and two if you asked me. I can see why the conversations didn’t go much farther. I wonder why people don’t like me?

Really, we had a pretty good time. David bin Speeden was working on his angel wings. Driving 12 people around Louisville on such a festive occasion couldn’t have been that fun, nor self-rewarding. Do I see a name change to David bin Chaufeurin’ on the horizon? Paige walking down Baxter Avenue barefoot was the best part of the night. No doubt.

Two weekends ago, we traveled to Wiley Fork in Knott County to a double-deuce birthday party thrown for Unit 899’s fiancé, Alex. There was a ton of food, good food, mind you, and guitars flying around everywhere. I ran a grill that was the foundation of the mountain behind Joel’s place. There was a dancing contest--shopping cart, lawn sprinkler, flying squirrels, and such. Joel and Tim Skinny had the late night concert on the back porch that was too much or too late—take your pick.

I’m not sure if you guys have ever seen the movie, Snatch. If you have, I will refer you to the gypsies(Brad Pitt's character) and their dialect of cockney English. There was a guy there named Eugene who, it seemed, was a construction foreman. Eugene spoke American Hillbilly cockney, so think of Farmer Fran from of The Waterboy. When I heard Eugene talking on the back porch, I went in the house to get Beth to listen to this guy. He was telling a story about this migrant worker who was reporting to him on a job site. The guy must have tried to take a shortcut on the job orders and must have messed something up. Eugene was explaining how he gave the guy the down-the-road for what he did. Of the five minutes the story lasted, I really only understood the phrase “legs and feet”. Apparently Eugene was telling the poor guy that they didn’t hire him for his brain or managerial skills, they hired him for his legs and feet. Makes sense to me.

Following that long night at McCool’s. The next day we had a birthday party and the Lost Creek plantation for my grandma’s 80th birthday. Almost everyone in the family was there. The only problem was the heat and flatulence. Yes, you heard me and it didn’t come from any of the folks who came from the shindig on Wiley Fork either, as one would naturally assume. Beth and I were sitting at a table in the yard and my great aunt ____, trying to keep it as anonymous as possible, had just walked up in front of us and BAM! Right in our faces. We evacuated immediately, still in disbelief. We reported the incident only to find out that we weren’t the only victims in the needless and merciless gas attacks from this individual.

Other than being shat on, the day was pretty cool. It was really nice to see the whole family again, just like we will again in October. You think this event would have sufficed for the family reunion, but no. Moving on…

The next day, I had to go to Cambridge, Maryland to a conference for work. They put us up in a swank resort. Nice. It seems like they fed us crab three meals a day. I wasn’t complaining while I was there, but I think I am a little burned-out on crab meat for a while. I had the experience of shelling steamed crab. Some friends my co-worker and I had met while at the conference, schooled us in the art of shelling crabs. Long story short, it takes about three Budweisers to shell a crab. Oh yeah, if you are ever at a reception where you are given a limited number of tokens for free drinks, tip the bartender a dollar with each token. You may get some of the tokens back.

If I didn’t hear from you on this past Friday, then shame on you for not calling me on my birthday. It was uneventful, yet, very satisfying. I took the day off from work to get some errands done, i.e. tires rotated, oil change, car wash, etc. Once Beth got home from work, we had an early dinner with my parents at Malone’s. It was a great dinner. Thanks Daddio! We shopped around for a new computer at the new Best Buy location in Hamburg for two hours. Stopped at Meijer’s to buy some tailgating necessities for the next day. I think I was in bed asleep by 10 p.m. See, uneventful.

Saturday, of course, was UK’s first home game and they were pitted against the mighty Colonels from EKU. I'll get into more of that later. It took us a while to find a tailgating spot, but once we found a great place, we did gate some tail. Brandon broke out the grill. There were burgers and dogs, veggies and dip, cold beer, and salt and vinegar potato chips, if you could wrestle them from Beth. Everyone was abuzz with the news of Appalachian State, last year’s Division 1, AA champions, located in Boone, NC (not to be confused with Grundy, Virginia’s Appalachian School of Law) with the enrollment of a little over 15,000, thank you, defeating Michigan at Ann Arbor earlier in the day.

By game time, there was excitement in the air as well as the anticipation of the unknown. What was the real story with UK? Two minutes into the game, we knew the Cats' first loss wouldn’t come at the hands of EKU. Maybe next week with Kent State? Doubt it, but who knows? We will see you there. My advice for Rich Brooks is that he had better take it one game at a time.

I have to go for now. I am half-promising more frequent posts once we get a new computer. I know there has been some serious slacking. Dennis and Jo Anne, keep those Mountaineers going. I don’t think they hear me cheering in Lexington. I’ll catch you later and leave you guys with the most popular quote after the game: “If something happens to Woodson, Kentucky is SCREWED!”