2007 Key West Chicken Wing Tour

Cayo Hueso, Conch Republic, Key West...it's all the same. A little island on the Straights of Florida, 90 miles north of Havana. We had a pretty good time, but for future reference, there isn't that much to do there unless you are into scuba diving/snorkeling. And more info for future reference, Key West isn't kid friendly...well, unless your kid is a functioning alcoholic. There was ample rain so there was no worries about getting sunburned.


We walked all over the island(in the rain) and saw pretty much all there was to see by day two. We went to the southernmost point in the contiguous 48. In the same area was the Hemingway House, yep, the house Ernest Hemingway resided in that has all the crazy six-toed cats. We didn't go in because it was $11 a person to go in and some guy who had just left the house said all there was to see was the cats. We checked out all the famous Duval Street haunts like Sloppy Joe's, Captain Tony's Saloon, and Hog's Breath Saloon. They were fun, but that kind of fun only lasts for a few hours.

At the Hog's Breath Saloon, there was a guy playing music from Nashville. He was taking requests. I asked him if he knew any Verne Gosdin songs...no. How about Gary Stewart? No. But, he did play Country Roads for Beth. The guy told me on the microphone in front of the crowd since he didn't know any of the songs I requested he would play something he knew I would enjoy...Rocky Top. That's what I get for wearing a UK hat and keep in mind this was four days after Tennessee beat UK in triple overtime. A similar scene with the song requests went down in Sloppy Joes. The guy didn't know anything I requested, but, hell, he knew Country Roads.

We ate at some decent restaurants: The Rum Runner, A&B Lobster House, The Conch Republic Fish Market to name a few. They were all decent, but I think I had chicken wings at all of them. Beth claimed I was on a chicken wing tour of Key West. I think she was correct. The wings I had at the Cuban restaurant were the best.

There was a crazy cat trainer guy on Sunset Marina each night behind our resort. He was an older French guy named Dominique. (I tried to post the video on here, but it was too large. Come over to the house and I'll let you check it out.) He seemed to be a sad old dude who went home at night and sipped cabernet and tried to teach his cats the French language. I am sure his show was the highlight of Beth's trip along with the conch fritters. She came home with confidence she could train Zoe to do the tricks. Now she is home, I think she has lost her dream realizing you can't teach an old cat(read "surly cat") new tricks.

And for Chase and Alisha, I caught a wild pirate in action working the tourists. They were having a pirate celebration the weekend we were leaving. Everytime I saw a pirate, I let loose a deep "Yaaargh, me hearties!" It always turned their heads and they usually gave me a "Avast, ye land lubber!" Goodtimes.

It was good to get back to Lexington, though. We came home Friday and watched UK play

horribly against North Carolina. The refs didn't help. We had a quick week of work and then this past weekend we went to our company's holiday party. Before the party we watched UK get thrashed by Indiana. It was really fun, believe it or not. Not the game, the party. The food was really good to be catered. It was a little rednecked in the fact the party was BYOB, but everyone hid their coolers well. The best 80's cover band I have ever watched, Long Duk Dong, was booked to play the party. Actually, I should say they rocked the party. Believe it or not, since back surgery, Beth still has the moves on the dance floor. Me, not so much, but I'll let you judge for yourself in a pic of me dancing with our friend Donna.

See you around.

There and Back

I made it back to The States alive, with no virus or flu-like symptoms. The cruise was good times, but it was not exactly as fun as what I experienced on my first cruise. I guess the first cruise sort of set the standard for the rest of all cruises. I am not saying that I did not enjoy myself. I think Beth has as couple of pictures of me that show I am enjoying myself, maybe, too much. The ship (Jewel of the Seas) was a relatively new boat, as it was built in 2004. The décor was not suitable for Disco Stu, so I was happy. It actually looked pretty swank. Casino, what?!?!?

We left Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday afternoon. Our first destination was Key West. The scene was tropic and the weather was excellent. We walked around the town for a couple of hours and shopped for souvenirs. After a couple of hours of this, we ended up at Sloppy Joe’s Bar on Duval. Duval Street is where it all goes down. I had a couple of Yeunglings and some crazy nachos that had Sloppy Joe stuff (a.k.a. Manwich) on it. I had to ask the bartender, who had been there for a couple of years, if the Real World Key West cast ever came in there. She said a couple of times, but the manager wouldn’t let the underage cast members drink so they didn’t stay long. I had to ask, sorry. The strange surprise on the island is the population of wild chickens that are everywhere. They walk down the sidewalk with you. They roost beside the fire hydrants. They hang out with the stray cats in the alleys. Chickens.

The next destination was Cozumel. Put Tiajuana on an island and there you go. Beth and I had been here before so we decided to just roll off the ship and eat a late lunch at Pancho’s Backyard. We had eaten at Pancho’s other restaurant on the other end of Cozumel and we really dug their queso con salsa verde (cheese and green salsa dip for the Non-Spanish speaking followers) and their not-from-a-mix margaritas. We figured it was worth another shot. The grub was good, but the margaritas (or I should say the lime flavored tequila shots) were harsh and too grande for me to drink two of them. However, I knocked down two fishbowls and a Tecate and a Sol. Hey, I was just trying to help out the local economy. This lead to an ill-advised purchase at a jewelry shop. For details, ask Beth.

***RANT ALERT***

If you have ever been to Mexico, I am sure you have encountered the pushy street vendors. I, personally, have decided not to return to Mexico due to the irritation these people provide. The country of Mexico has a great natural resource in the beauty of their land and their native traditions. Why does it have to be ruined by their attitudes and sales tactics towards tourists? Honestly, I would be more inclined to purchase products peddled by the vendors if they didn’t run at me, grab my arm, or yell at me. I am not sure who advised them on their sales procedure. Maybe, it was used car salesmen. Ba-Dum, Chhhh!

Costa Maya was the third destination. It was a Lee City-sized Cozumel with a pier. So, see above.

The last port of call was Georgetown, Grand Cayman. Beth and I had been here before. We walked around the town and shopped. The people there were really nice. A Margaritaville had recently opened. Joel, holla, if ya hear me! We had a couple of cheeseburgers in paradise and rolled back to the boat.

After a day at sea, we sailed back into Ft. Lauderdale on Saturday morning. We changed a couple of flights to get back to Lexington earlier. While in Atlanta waiting for our flight (delayed flight, of course), I ran into a old college buddy’s mother, who happened to be sharing our flight back to Lexington. It was none other than the mother of one-half of NWA:TNA’s The Franchised Naturals, Andy “The Wild Child” Douglas. It was really great to catch up with her. I probably hadn’t seen her since I was in school at Morehead. Small world, indeed.

I heard Ampletime was back on stage this past weekend at Avio in Lexington, I couldn’t find anyone to go with me, so I sat this one out. I’ll catch them next time, hopefully.

Florida or Michigan? Hasn’t that been the question for a week? I would say Michigan and you know I am not a Michigan homer. They played number one, OSU, to a three-point game at OSU two weeks ago. And that alone, tells me they are at least number two. If the game was played at a neutral site or even at Ann Arbor, who knows what would have happened? But, in reconsideration, what would happen if there would have been a rematch and Michigan won? Two number ones? What if Florida beats OSU and Michigan destroys USC in the Rose Bowl? I am not saying that it will happen nor will I predict the remote chances of it happening. But, what if?

Ripley's Bearlieve It... or Not

"Memories and drinks don't mix to well
Jukebox records don’t play those wedding bells
Looking at the world through the bottom of a glass
All I see is a man who's fading fast.

Tonight I'll need that woman again
What I'd give for my baby to just walk in
To sit down beside me and say it's all right
And take me home and make sweet love to me tonight.

But here I am again mixing misery and gin
Sittin' with all my friends and talking to myself
I look like I'm having a good time
But any fool can tell that this honky-tonk heaven
Really makes you feel like hell."
-"Misery and Gin", Merle Haggard

Now this is a song and a half. Many times I have let this song repeat in the garage. Honky tonk and outlaw. I guess this is some more of that old country music, the real country music that I prefer. It almost seems like a good rule of thumb with the country music I like, “If they have been to prison, then it probably is pretty good music.” There was a story going around that years after Haggard was released from prison he told Johnny Cash he really enjoyed his show in San Quentin Prison. Cash replied, “I don’t recall you being in that show.” Merle said, “Johnny, I wasn’t in the show. I was in the audience.”

The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg trip was a whirlwind. Beth and I had a great time with the majority of the family minus one Unit 899. The cabin we stayed in was pretty nice. Not really meant for 10-12 adults as advertised, but we made due. The golf at Newport was disappointing, they had just aerated their greens, but I would say we had a pretty good time and Adam will confirm that the trees were more than generous to us. Also, there was a 1950’s cruise called Shades of the Past Rod Run going on, but that didn’t stop people from bringing out their 1960’s Camaros or Hemi Cudas.

We took a trip to the top of Clingmans Dome, TN. It is the highest point in elevation in the Volunteer State, rising 6,643 feet above sea level. Actually there is a road that takes you to a couple hundred feet below summit and there is a ½ mile to ¾ mile blacktop trail to the top of the dome. The view wasn’t much because of the clouds approaching the mountain. Bummer. Strange to me was the drop in temperature from our cabin to the top of the mountain. It was around 70° F at the cabin and according to Beth’s car; it was 56° F at the top. Insane, huh? Chase blamed it on the bears.

The motorcyclists in the area were quite amusing. As we followed them through the tunnels along the mountainside, they would rev their engines so their exhaust would sound louder. More annoying, I would say. They fit all the stereotypes of the Harley riders. Beardy, ragged looking and smelly. What is it about black leather jackets/leather vests/t-shirts with eagles/skulls/confederate flags on them? Yeah, me neither.

The traffic leaving Pigeon Forge was ridiculous. There are 3 lanes for incoming traffic and one lane for out going traffic. This really makes me think on the way home, “I would really love to come here and do this again.” Uh, huh. Beth and I went nine miles in an hour. Suck.

Let me bottom-line it here for you. I really had a great time and wished we had a couple of more days to stay down there. Not for the sights or entertainment, I really enjoyed spending the quality time hanging out with the family at the cabin. I know they couldn’t beat me in pool, but it was okay. The birthday cake was pretty much the best birthday cake I had ever eaten. I could only imagine what it would have tasted like if I could have eaten it the day it was made.

Lastly, I would like to thank the bears for building the metropolis of Pigatlinforginburg that hosted the Abners this past weekend. Without the bear’s hard work and engineering, this great area would not be the mullet mecca it is today. Out.

Over The Hills and Far Away

“Cause we’ve never seen Honky Tonk ladies,
That look as good as those sisters do.
I heard they like to party.
Well, so do you and I.
So let’s lay a little bit of that brotherly love
On those sisters tonight.”
--"Brotherly Love" by Gary Stewart and Dean Dillon

These are some fine lyrics from one of my favorite CDs, the Essential Gary Stewart. There are so many songs on this album that could easily bring you to tears, under the right circumstances, of course. There are also killer, good-timing songs that make you want to sit in your garage and knock back roasin’ ears until the wee hours of the morning. Yea, Boy! (Not to be confused with a YEAH, BOYEEE!)

The weekend vacation to the heart of West Virginia with the in-laws was very interesting. There were some breathtaking sights such as the New River Gorge. There were also sight-taking breaths such as the riding stables at Babcock State Park. Eeech! The New River Gorge was something else. We stopped first to check out the view of the gorge at Hawks Nest State Park. The views from the lookouts are indescribable. We could see the New River Bridge far off in the distance. The bridge is tall enough to fit the George Washington Monument and two Statues of Liberty between New River and the bottom of the bridge.

Next, we took the tram down to the river for a jet boat ride up New River to the New River Bridge, the longest steel-arch bridge in the western hemisphere. This was really fresh as the water was getting pretty rough towards the bridge. An unfortunate kayaker was having a rough go at it somewhere upstream as we passed by a kayak paddle floating on its own on the way up the river. The boat captain smelled bad and I got to sit right behind him. He kept on mentioning he was out of jail on work release. Say it with me, “GREEAAAT!”

We checked out one of the crappiest parades I have ever seen in Fayetteville. It lasted about five minutes and was comprised mostly of bicycle riders. Not professional bicycle riders, just kids. No wheelies. No endos. No bunny hops. Disappointing, eh?

The next day, we visited Babcock State Park. This is where the famous Glade Creek Grist Mill is located. It really is a picturesque scene and would be the bomb in the fall. That evening, we went to the visitor’s center on the east end of the New River Bridge. There were a couple of great lookouts there. From there, we traveled the old road that winds down to the river. This took about a while, but it was quite worth it to look up to the bridge from the river. Yes, it is safe to assume I saw the bridge from every available angle.

On Monday, we visited Tamarack. Tamarack is a showcase for West Virginia artists and goods manufacturers. The paintings and sculptures were quite exquisite and intrinsically expensive. This was worth seeing nonetheless. After Tamarack, it was back to St. Albans. Beth and I met up with her friends, Jennifer and Chris, at the Fifth Quarter downtown in Charleston. We hung out on the patio waiting for the fireworks to start. Unfortunately, a pop-up thunderstorm ruined that. We stood under the awning of the restaurant waiting for the rain to stop. In the meantime, we were made privy to a wet t-shirt contest of the all the folks who had walked down to the boulevard to watch the fireworks and were caught in the rain. Some were nice, but most were…well, not so much. C’mon guys, you have to take the good with the bad.

It’s good to be back in the Bluegrass, despite having to work Thursday and today. I’ll remedy that this evening with some liquid cure-all and some brats on the grill. Tomorrow, I am grilling up a beer can chicken. Get on over to the Pond and get a leg.