Fautumn Rules!

My favorite time of year is once again upon us. Fall, autumn, fautumn, schmautumm, whatever you call it, has to be the greatest time of year. The last days of sweltering heat are beyond us as well as the humidity. Finally, those long sleeved shirts, pullovers, and corduroys can be pulled out of the back of the closet. The college football season is in mid-stride and the NFL season is in the early stages of separating the weak from the weaker. Keeneland is only a few days away. With that brings the turning of leaves and the first frost. Grass will slowly become dormant and I will be able to make an attempt to straighten the garage a little better for an attempt to fit my car in the car hole along side of Beth’s car for the winter.

My hair is safe, but now, I am going to have to pay for a haircut. UK played extremely well for the first half of last Saturday’s game. The offense did a great job of keeping the defense off the field. Quarterback AndreWoodson looked pretty good and I tip my hat to Joker Phillips. His somewhat of a recreation of the UK offense seemed to work pretty well against Florida. There weren’t many desperate downfield bombs early in the game. Instead, there was a balanced attack of screens, five-and-outs, and runs that created slow progress and clock management. The defense played okay despite missing a few assignments. The blocked extra point attempt by backup quarterback Curtis Pulley was nice. This week UK has Central Michigan at home.

Beth and I bought tickets for this game. Brandon was excited to hear this so he’d get a chance to tailgate with some people who can tailgate, for once. Just kidding. I don’t tailgate any better than anyone else…maybe harder, but not better. I think, as of today, UK is a six-point favorite for Saturday’s game. It would be great for UK to get another win. I may have predicted a four-win season before, but maybe, UK has a six-win season in them. They must beat Vanderbilt at home and Mississippi State on the road. This is not too much to ask for.

If you guys need me on Saturday, I’ll probably be over in front of UK’s Agricultural Building at the corner of Limestone and Ag Drive. Come see us. I’m sure we will have something cold and in a beer can for you. Finally and confidently, Go Cats!

P.S. For all of my siblings traveling this week, go careful and pack clean drawers. Who Dey!

An Unusual Thing To Do

HOMER SIMSPON: “Mr. Burns, you’re the richest man I know.”

MR. BURNS: “Ah yes, but I’d trade it all for a little bit more.”

You tell me of any sitcom on television that still is producing material as funny or funnier than the material they first started with.

A little update for you on what might be happening. The other day I was driving home, a usual thing for me to do on Tuesday afternoon around 5:00 p.m. I was listening to The Sports Huddle on WLXG 1300 AM and, once again, not an unusual thing for me to do. I decided to call in to the show and talk to Chris Cross and Mike Cameron, this not the first time to call. My calls to the show are infrequent. They were discussing what they would do if UK beat Florida this week. Cross said he would shave his head. Mike Cameron will probably wear a UK cheerleading outfit for the next UK home game.

As I was announced on the show, Cross asked me what I would do if the Cats win at Florida. I said I would shave my head with him Monday afternoon at The Grapevine if the Cats win.




Go Gators.

Ken Towery's, Sugar Camp... and a UK Win?

I went on Wednesday of last week to get my tires rotated at the same shop I had purchased them—free rotation, holla! Well, whenever these fine individuals put the wheels back on my ride, they cross-threaded one of the lugs on its stud. On Wednesday, when they were taking the wheel off to do the rotation, they couldn’t get the lug off and the stud finally broke. I happened to be watching when this occurred. I knew exactly what had happened. This was the exchange between the grease monkey and his supervisor:

Supervisor: “What’d ya do, break da stud?!?”
GM: “Whoever put these wheels on last cross-threaded the lug!"
Super: “It was us you idiot!"

They did not have the stud on hand to fix it. Another one of the grease monkeys said they had the part at Paul Miller Mazda just down the road. They said to come back on Saturday and they would fix it. I left there hellar pissed, because this had happened there before. Not their fault that time, but it was this time. So, I talked my buddy Douglas Fresh into following me over their Saturday morning to pick me up and we would go eat breakfast somewhere while they worked on it. Five minutes after we had sat down in Perkins, my phone rang. It was the store manager telling me they didn’t have the right stud from Mazda there to fix my car and they would have to order the part. PISSED. AGAIN. So, I guess I will see them this Saturday.

Dang! Can you believe UK won this week? Nice win. But, they are just playing with my emotions, I feel. They play Florida at the Swamp this weekend. Just put 24 points on the board and I’ll be happy.

Yeah, Joel, I made your ribs this weekend. They weren’t too shabby. I have problems with my grill, though. When I have my hickory chips smoke packet on the burner and my ribs on the top level overtop the smoke packet, the fat drips off the ribs onto the smoke packet and starts a fire. The flames tend to overcook the underside of the ribs producing a tougher underside of the meat. Due to this and the urging from Jonathan, I think sometime this fall I will buy a smoker. I have seen a few nice ones over at Lowe’s. Just think, beer can chickens, smoked pork loins, London broils, and ribs. Oh yeah, good as done.

I dropped the ribs on the grizzle to cook for my in-laws on Saturday. They came down so Dennis could drop Jo-Anne off so she and Beth could fly to Minneapolis. They made it to Minneapolis okay and are due back tomorrow afternoon. The Mall of America was their destination. Yeah, I don’t get it either. But, from updates, it appears they are having a great time and that’s what matters.

Dennis and I went to eat breakfast at Bob Evans. It was good just like it used to be. Me and my Freedom Toast (you like that…just like Freedom fries?). Dennis left around 10 a.m. to go back to W.Va. So, I got cleaned up and rolled to Jackson to play golf with Dad, a.k.a. Randall-El, at Sugar Camp. We had a really good time. We played a couple of scrambles with the natives. We even got in a $5 game of hold ‘em between the rounds. That David Kyle always calls anything I ever bet when we play a $5 game, maybe to show his dominance or poker prowess, win or lose. But, everytime I go all in, he always pancakes me. The hold ‘em spirits are against me I guess. That’s okay. I always crush him when we play “A Day At The Track Mode” on Road To The Breeder’s Cup on XBOX. Give me a shout. I’m out.

Ripley's Bearlieve It... or Not

"Memories and drinks don't mix to well
Jukebox records don’t play those wedding bells
Looking at the world through the bottom of a glass
All I see is a man who's fading fast.

Tonight I'll need that woman again
What I'd give for my baby to just walk in
To sit down beside me and say it's all right
And take me home and make sweet love to me tonight.

But here I am again mixing misery and gin
Sittin' with all my friends and talking to myself
I look like I'm having a good time
But any fool can tell that this honky-tonk heaven
Really makes you feel like hell."
-"Misery and Gin", Merle Haggard

Now this is a song and a half. Many times I have let this song repeat in the garage. Honky tonk and outlaw. I guess this is some more of that old country music, the real country music that I prefer. It almost seems like a good rule of thumb with the country music I like, “If they have been to prison, then it probably is pretty good music.” There was a story going around that years after Haggard was released from prison he told Johnny Cash he really enjoyed his show in San Quentin Prison. Cash replied, “I don’t recall you being in that show.” Merle said, “Johnny, I wasn’t in the show. I was in the audience.”

The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg trip was a whirlwind. Beth and I had a great time with the majority of the family minus one Unit 899. The cabin we stayed in was pretty nice. Not really meant for 10-12 adults as advertised, but we made due. The golf at Newport was disappointing, they had just aerated their greens, but I would say we had a pretty good time and Adam will confirm that the trees were more than generous to us. Also, there was a 1950’s cruise called Shades of the Past Rod Run going on, but that didn’t stop people from bringing out their 1960’s Camaros or Hemi Cudas.

We took a trip to the top of Clingmans Dome, TN. It is the highest point in elevation in the Volunteer State, rising 6,643 feet above sea level. Actually there is a road that takes you to a couple hundred feet below summit and there is a ½ mile to ¾ mile blacktop trail to the top of the dome. The view wasn’t much because of the clouds approaching the mountain. Bummer. Strange to me was the drop in temperature from our cabin to the top of the mountain. It was around 70° F at the cabin and according to Beth’s car; it was 56° F at the top. Insane, huh? Chase blamed it on the bears.

The motorcyclists in the area were quite amusing. As we followed them through the tunnels along the mountainside, they would rev their engines so their exhaust would sound louder. More annoying, I would say. They fit all the stereotypes of the Harley riders. Beardy, ragged looking and smelly. What is it about black leather jackets/leather vests/t-shirts with eagles/skulls/confederate flags on them? Yeah, me neither.

The traffic leaving Pigeon Forge was ridiculous. There are 3 lanes for incoming traffic and one lane for out going traffic. This really makes me think on the way home, “I would really love to come here and do this again.” Uh, huh. Beth and I went nine miles in an hour. Suck.

Let me bottom-line it here for you. I really had a great time and wished we had a couple of more days to stay down there. Not for the sights or entertainment, I really enjoyed spending the quality time hanging out with the family at the cabin. I know they couldn’t beat me in pool, but it was okay. The birthday cake was pretty much the best birthday cake I had ever eaten. I could only imagine what it would have tasted like if I could have eaten it the day it was made.

Lastly, I would like to thank the bears for building the metropolis of Pigatlinforginburg that hosted the Abners this past weekend. Without the bear’s hard work and engineering, this great area would not be the mullet mecca it is today. Out.

Raised Some "L", Came Home Beat Blue

Brandon Pigg and I had the fortune and misfortune of going to Louisville to watch the UK/UofL football game at Cardinal Stadium Sunday night. I had a really great time hanging with Paige, David, and Paige’s in-laws. The tailgating was nothing less than spectacular. David’s sister-in-law, Debbie, a closet UK fan, had made a bunch of great food for us. We even broke out David’s mini grill and smoked up some burgers and brats. And when I say smoked, ask Paige if you don’t know what I mean.

We played some cornhole. We wandered around Papa John’s Stadium looking for bathrooms. Shoot! We even saw what Brandon would call, “Beeches (said with disgust)”. Despite the fact Brandon and I were decked out with our true blue, we were welcome by our Louisville counterparts. Not that some didn’t try to take slight jabs at us, like James, a.k.a. the busiest man in the ‘Ville. But, if you roll over on your back and play dead, they will leave you alone.

Unnamed Cards fan: “Do you ever get embarrassed to be a UK football fan?”

Me: “Nah, we don’t have high expectations here. Besides, the Cards have more to lose in this game.”

And I leave it at that. Several UofL fans actually wished us good luck before and during the game. No one really got lippy with us. It was an all around good time.

The misfortunate part of the event was the actual game itself. UK really was disappointing to watch. The Cats have one of the best receivers in the SEC, Keenan Burton, but it didn’t seem like there were many offensive sets that went his way. This guy was in single coverage almost all night. The corner covering him was four inches shorter than Burton. I think he had the ball thrown to him six times. He caught four receptions for 127 yards. Give the man the ball.

The defense was nothing less than what I had expected. Mike Archer, being the most ineffective defensive coordinator since himself, proved himself incapable by starting and finishing the game with a prevent defense that rushed no more than four players at any time. You are down four touchdowns. Obviously, what you are doing is not working. Change something. Put pressure on Brohm. Dee dee dee (Carlos Mencia style).

I thought it was awful that Michael Bush had to end what could have been his Heisman winning season. I felt sick to my stomach when he broke his leg, but then again, it could have been the charcoal.

I am going to Gatlinburg this weekend. We will see most of you cats there. For those of you not making the trip, take it easy and make it cheesy! Out.