Ripley's Bearlieve It... or Not

"Memories and drinks don't mix to well
Jukebox records don’t play those wedding bells
Looking at the world through the bottom of a glass
All I see is a man who's fading fast.

Tonight I'll need that woman again
What I'd give for my baby to just walk in
To sit down beside me and say it's all right
And take me home and make sweet love to me tonight.

But here I am again mixing misery and gin
Sittin' with all my friends and talking to myself
I look like I'm having a good time
But any fool can tell that this honky-tonk heaven
Really makes you feel like hell."
-"Misery and Gin", Merle Haggard

Now this is a song and a half. Many times I have let this song repeat in the garage. Honky tonk and outlaw. I guess this is some more of that old country music, the real country music that I prefer. It almost seems like a good rule of thumb with the country music I like, “If they have been to prison, then it probably is pretty good music.” There was a story going around that years after Haggard was released from prison he told Johnny Cash he really enjoyed his show in San Quentin Prison. Cash replied, “I don’t recall you being in that show.” Merle said, “Johnny, I wasn’t in the show. I was in the audience.”

The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg trip was a whirlwind. Beth and I had a great time with the majority of the family minus one Unit 899. The cabin we stayed in was pretty nice. Not really meant for 10-12 adults as advertised, but we made due. The golf at Newport was disappointing, they had just aerated their greens, but I would say we had a pretty good time and Adam will confirm that the trees were more than generous to us. Also, there was a 1950’s cruise called Shades of the Past Rod Run going on, but that didn’t stop people from bringing out their 1960’s Camaros or Hemi Cudas.

We took a trip to the top of Clingmans Dome, TN. It is the highest point in elevation in the Volunteer State, rising 6,643 feet above sea level. Actually there is a road that takes you to a couple hundred feet below summit and there is a ½ mile to ¾ mile blacktop trail to the top of the dome. The view wasn’t much because of the clouds approaching the mountain. Bummer. Strange to me was the drop in temperature from our cabin to the top of the mountain. It was around 70° F at the cabin and according to Beth’s car; it was 56° F at the top. Insane, huh? Chase blamed it on the bears.

The motorcyclists in the area were quite amusing. As we followed them through the tunnels along the mountainside, they would rev their engines so their exhaust would sound louder. More annoying, I would say. They fit all the stereotypes of the Harley riders. Beardy, ragged looking and smelly. What is it about black leather jackets/leather vests/t-shirts with eagles/skulls/confederate flags on them? Yeah, me neither.

The traffic leaving Pigeon Forge was ridiculous. There are 3 lanes for incoming traffic and one lane for out going traffic. This really makes me think on the way home, “I would really love to come here and do this again.” Uh, huh. Beth and I went nine miles in an hour. Suck.

Let me bottom-line it here for you. I really had a great time and wished we had a couple of more days to stay down there. Not for the sights or entertainment, I really enjoyed spending the quality time hanging out with the family at the cabin. I know they couldn’t beat me in pool, but it was okay. The birthday cake was pretty much the best birthday cake I had ever eaten. I could only imagine what it would have tasted like if I could have eaten it the day it was made.

Lastly, I would like to thank the bears for building the metropolis of Pigatlinforginburg that hosted the Abners this past weekend. Without the bear’s hard work and engineering, this great area would not be the mullet mecca it is today. Out.